Short essays on negotiating through everyday life, work, and times of upheaval.
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Getting your ideas implemented: What a prospect (theory)!
From time to time, we all have good ideas that could help our organizations thrive. Assuming we want to share them, and assuming decision-makers want to listen, the obvious challenge is to convince them that the benefits outweigh the costs, the upside justifies the risk. In a world of slim budgets, that’s never easy. But…
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Your nontransitive preferences are driving me crazy!
One of the great frustrations of daily life, not to mention neoclassical economics, is nontransitive preferences. Huh? In English, transitive preferences would mean that if B is better than A, and if C is better than B, then C must be better than A. But in daily life—when dealing with children or coworkers, for example—we…
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Work-life balance as a negotiation with yourself
In today’s hurried and harried age, almost everyone has a hard time with work-life balance. The fundamental reason is obvious: the constantly increasing demands of work and life continually crash up against the fixed 1440 minutes in each day. And while it’s technically true that we can’t expand the clock, negotiation research has spent the…
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When to ask why
A past post discussed the power of why, suggesting that a well-placed “why?” can surface a wealth of information from the people who disagree with us—toddlers and workmates alike. Like almost everything in life, however, the power of why has limits. Why? To find out, let’s consider an age group somewhere between toddlers and colleagues—teenagers.…
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Dealing with the distrusted: To schmooze or not to schmooze?
At some point, most of us need to work with someone we don’t particularly trust. It’s not that we distrust them; it’s just that we have no basis for trust, along with the vague heebie-jeebies. Dealing with a potentially distrustworthy person is difficult—but more negotiable if we at least try to schmooze, defined unscientifically but…
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The hidden benefits of trust
Managers among us, wouldn’t it be great if the people we manage were happier and more motivated in 2016? Wouldn’t that immediately make life more negotiable? Well, here’s a deceptively simple path to a better 2016: trust your employees a little more than you were planning to. “Yeah yeah,” you say. “I’ve heard that before,…
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If you want it, just ask!
One of the simplest and yet most complicated principles of negotiation success is this: If you want something, you have to ask for it! It’s one of the simplest principles because it sounds pretty obvious. It’s one of the most complicated because few people actually do it. Put differently, most of us—myself included—want important things…
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Resolving to separate the person from the problem
Many of us have resolved to be nicer to others in 2016, probably for ethical reasons. Yet, since this is a negotiations blog, I might also note that being nice to others—in the form of “separating the people from the problem”—also carries some important practical benefits. In many situations—but especially when dealing with incompetent service…
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The musings of 2015
In the spirit of a negotiable 2016, I thought it might be useful to summarize my musings from 2015. At a minimum, I suspected that putting all the basic ideas in a single place might help people to locate my thoughts on a specific problem, and also find a prospective solution. And finally, I surmised…
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Gratitude: Or when not to negotiate
My posts often talk about getting more of what you want. That is by design, as some basic negotiation skills can often help you get more and give more at the same time. Who wouldn’t do that if they could? Yet, the holidays—and especially their gift-giving traditions—offer an opportunity to make the opposite point: that…
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The power of distraction: Another lesson intransigent toddlers can teach us about intransigent colleagues
Last week’s post discussed an important work lesson we can learn from toddlers: the power of why. Briefly, we often learn a lot by asking “why” of those who oppose us. This week, I’ll discuss another critical work lesson from toddlers: the power of distraction. Briefly, we often have to deal with colleagues who don’t…
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The power of why: What intransigent toddlers can teach us about intransigent colleagues
Our organizational colleagues and toddlers often have one thing in common: they seem opposed to whatever we support. Whether they “won’t back that idea” or “won’t eat that macaroni,” their intransigence is one in the same. By learning to deal with stubborn toddlers, then, we can also learn to deal with stubborn colleagues. In a…
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The key to a stress-free Thanksgiving: Celebrating our differences
My last post suggested that we’re often so concerned about (cultural) differences that we fail to negotiate decisively. In a word, it highlighted a hidden cost of an excess focus on diversity. This week, I think it’s appropriate to sing the praises of diversity (of a different kind, for a different reason): It is differences—not…
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Negotiations across cultures: To make or not to make the first offer?
Every day, most of us interact with several people from unfamiliar cultures. In many of our cross-cultural interactions, our inclination is to tread carefully, lest we commit an unwitting cultural faux pas. In a word, many of us act tentatively across cultures. In general, that’s a good thing, reflecting a genuine desire to avoid offense…
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Reactive devaluation and reverse psychology: Or, how to get the house clean
Hurricane Joaquin may have missed the East Coast. But if you have a small kid, then Hurricane [small kid’s name] probably hits often. Keeping a house clean with a small child around seems impossible. And without the child’s assistance, it probably is. But a thoughtful approach can elicit said assistance and make even this mess…
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Are the best negotiators just like Trump?
Since it’s election season and Donald Trump often pins his qualifications on his negotiation prowess, this post will depart from my normal focus on solving everyday problems. Instead, I’d like to explore the qualities of the very best negotiators, comparing and contrasting them with the Trump persona we all know well. I hope you’ll forgive…
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I’m outta here! Five questions to ask before walking away from a negotiation
In September, I tackled the thorny problem of where to spend the holidays. Briefly, I suggested that fighting with your spouse about which family to visit (a distributive strategy) is less productive than figuring out a way to satisfy both of you (an integrative strategy). Well, suppose you gave my suggestion a try—you offered to…
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I need more money! Five topics to ponder before requesting a raise
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” –Ben Franklin Despite that supposedly low inflation rate, everyone’s cost of living seems to constantly go up. With rising costs come the need for a rising income. Increasing your income, in turn, often requires you to request a raise. Asking the boss for more money…
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Get rid of that fee! Three strategies for negotiating without power
“Fee.” The very word strikes fear, especially when we see it popping up on our own credit card, bank, or cell phone bill. Is there any hope of eliminating a fee once it appears? It’s negotiable more often than it seems. But since the party imposing a fee holds all of the cards, making it…
